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Journey
An end of depression
Created on 2007-05-29 12:59:48 (#13044538), last updated 2007-06-23
2 comments received, 3 comments posted
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Basic Info| Name: | cjprice |
|---|---|
| Birthdate: | 1970-02-13 |
BioThis is my journey. I am a 37 year old, Christian wife and mother that has struggled with depression for much of my life. I am tired of it and am willing to do just about anything to break the pattern before I pass this on to my own children. I feel I am being incredibly unfair to them. Just because what I experienced would be considered dysfunctional, that is not what they deserve. They deserve better and I intend on giving it to them...with or without me.
Yes, I am boarderline suicidal. Like I said, I am tired. I am tired of fighting for a life I really don't want to live. But I am mostly tired of causing my husband frustration and my children pain each day by having a mother that lost her zest for life. I wonder each day if their life would be better off without me. I am not stupid. I know that children of parents that commit suicide are more likely to have problems of their own, even a higher rate of suicide among them. But I often feel that without me they would all at least have a chance at a happy life. My husband is a wonderful Christian man and would be able to find a healthy, Christian mother for them within a couple years without a doubt. That is the second chance I see them having.
How did this all start? Why does it continue? How do I see it being my fault? How can a Christian feel this way? Am I giving God one more chance for healing? That is some of what I want to cover. It may be morbid. It may be distorted thinking. But it is what I believe at this point as I take this final journey through my depression....
Yes, I am boarderline suicidal. Like I said, I am tired. I am tired of fighting for a life I really don't want to live. But I am mostly tired of causing my husband frustration and my children pain each day by having a mother that lost her zest for life. I wonder each day if their life would be better off without me. I am not stupid. I know that children of parents that commit suicide are more likely to have problems of their own, even a higher rate of suicide among them. But I often feel that without me they would all at least have a chance at a happy life. My husband is a wonderful Christian man and would be able to find a healthy, Christian mother for them within a couple years without a doubt. That is the second chance I see them having.
How did this all start? Why does it continue? How do I see it being my fault? How can a Christian feel this way? Am I giving God one more chance for healing? That is some of what I want to cover. It may be morbid. It may be distorted thinking. But it is what I believe at this point as I take this final journey through my depression....
ConnectInterests (19):
bible, children, christ, christian, church, depression, gardens, god, guilt, incest, mother, rape, reading, self-harm, self-injury, shame, teacher, trauma, wife
External Services:
 | cjprice@livejournal.com |
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